BERKELEY, CA -- Planet-hunters at the University of California at Berkeley have announced they have found a planetary star system which appears to closely resemble our own.
    New radio telescope technology greatly aided the research. Morris Aizenman of the National Science Foundation said, "From the tiny wobble in the star's orbit we can tell that most of their population is mobilizing to engage in pointless wars, most of their productive output is utilized for weapons research and their leaders do nothing but spout gibberish while the majority of their people are starving and dying of disease."
    Just 51 light-years away, he said that the star system's unimpressive educational infrastructure was a "short term biased diasaster" and "a ticking time bomb."