CAPE CANAVERAL, FL -- What was probably the longest space walk ever, eight hours and 56 minutes, was acheived by astronauts outside the orbiting international space station March 11th. NASA explained today that the extreme length might have been due largely to astronaut error.
    "Space is really big." said stunned astronaut Susan Helms, "really, really big"
    Astronaut Jim Voss explained "We ran out of #8 phillip's head screwdrivers and I was like, 'aw fuck ground control is gonna get so fucking pissed at us again', so we figured maybe there would be some outside or something. I had no idea it would take more than 300 human lifetimes just to reach the nearest star to our sun. Like, whoah."