PENTAGON -- In an attempt to boost sagging morale, the Army announced it was moving forward on its plan to issue black beréts to all troops, despite the strong ire of the elite Army Ranger Core.
    The Army says this shift in uniform is a plan to lift morale, yet numerous unverified reports claim that the change is the beginning of a long-overdue plan to invade France.
    US Troops have been spotted wearing the beréts, sipping wine, eating croissants and lounging around doing more or less nothing as part of intensive training exercises. Bathing requirements may also have been loosened. Many reports also state that some divisions have unionized and are demanding to have their wages quadrupled and paid in funds denominated in the king's blood.