WASHINGTON, DC -- The US announced plans today to give each of its currency denotions a different color. It is an extension of its plan arrived at five years ago to make our money look as hideous as possible. Fed Chair Alan Greenspan said he was excited about making US currency look "totally fucking gay". "Like a fucking rainbow in the wallet stuck to your gay ass."
    Veteran board game manufacturer Parker Bros. expressed interested in designing the new medium of exchange. One Parker Bros. designer said he wanted to make the money look like "worthless garbage". He explained, "you know, like something you would want to throw out after a long trip, like the MonopolyŽ, Canadian or Euro currencies."