WASHINGTON, DC -- The United States was resoundly and definitively victorious in its battle against al Qaeda and the Taliban in Afghanistan. Despite the rout, the United States is feeling markedly and inexplicably depressed by the entire episode.
   
    "I always imagined the enemy that could do this would be huge, sprawling, have an advanced naval force and fleet of invisible fighter planes," said Jonas Arbourgh, 53, of St. Paul Minnesota. "Instead they turned out to be a bunch of unwashed vagrants shouting nonsense, living in caves and rolling around in dirt."
   
    Politicians and statesmen told America to steel itself for further sacrifice and a long struggle. Strangely disappointingly, the sacrifice and lengthy struggle never came.
   
    "I expected -- no wanted -- a long, bitter struggle between good and evil, eventually to overcome the evil scourge and arise victorious," said Bill Hartstein a 35-year-old autoworker. "But it looks like we really just bombed them with impunity for a few short weeks until the enemy just fell apart and gave up."
   
    Also oddly unfulfilling was the lack of personal sacrifice of the American people.
   
    "I always liked those 'swing shifts' and 'Rosy the Riveter'," said Ali Remmon, a college student studying political science. "I was ready to do that."
   
    Instead the war was undertaken by small groups of highly trained military personnel in secret, special operations, who had volunteered long before the war, had been training for years and whose aircraft had already been built long ago.
   
    "Those people got to do everything they could," continued Remmon. "We just got to watch it on TV."
   
    The military technology used, we were told, was to be highly advanced and so equally highly effective and powerful. Some speculated and officials hinted that new, secret weapons would be unveiled to win the day.
   
    As it turned out after the short conflict was partly underway, America's most sophisticated aircraft, stealth B-2s and F-117s and supersonic B-1Bs and F/A-18s proved themselves way "overdoing it" and gave way to the use of aging, non-stealthy F-14s and B-52s designed to fight wars decades ago. The aircraft are noted with disdain for their unsexy dull grey color and low cost.
   
    One thing Americans and world citizens could and did do was donate money. The staggering one and a half billion dollars raised was quickly mishandled and misappropriated by aid agencies, whom even said the amount would be more than they could possibly need.
   
    "I felt so guilty. It tore me through the bottom of my soul. I gave more than $300," said Sally Wiggins, 45, a mother with three children on welfare. "I sort of felt like it would make a difference. Like you can really fucking notice $300 in $1.5 billion."
   
    Giving blood was another opportunity for people to help. Like the newsreels of the second world war, Red Cross commercials urged Americans to take the opportunity to give blood. So much blood that the Red Cross was overrun and had to begin burning the excess.
   
    Many pundits are trying to explain the lack of rejuvenation after murky victory. Some say the war was not, and could never have been broad enough.
   
    "More than anything else, I wanted this war to just make September 11th go away," said Arbourgh. "It hasn't."