WASHINGTON, DC -- A growing coalition of experts took the time today to voice their opposition to the practices of the Israeli miltary, whose nation is on the brink of full-scale civil war.
    "With every bomb shell that lands in a Palestinian living room, there is an absolutely unacceptable risk of injury," said Natalie Green, of the Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC), "I think if the Israelis take the time to research their barbaric artillery attacks on civilian targets, they could find a surprising number of injuries such as leg strains, skin irritation, paper cuts and whiplash." She finished her statement with, "Shelling people is downright dangerous."
    The US Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) also chimed in. According to their spokesperson, "For every shot fired at a Palestinian baby, there is a 26% average compounded risk of severe injury or death. This is utterly mindless and deplorable, and nearly double the rate we set for American police departments."