WESTPORT, CT -- An article recently published by the New York Times Magazine, entitled "How to be a popular teenager," documents the lives of popular children in middle schools of exorbitantly wealthy Connecticut towns. As illustrations it highlights important AOL Instant Messager conversations in their social history.
    A cavalry of scholars are already decrying the article.
    "This disgusting manuer should never be studied," said Stanley Wyons of the Harvard Institute of Sociological Research. "Reading it was like swallowing hot coals. It is totally unethical to subject mass market audiences to this kind of evil, soul-destroying poison; I beleive the article was forged out of Hellfire by the Devil himself."
    Satan was immediately available for comment, however, but his spokesperson Britney Spears did repeat an earlier statement that recently announced, higher precision .13 micron technology now allows Hellfire to be forged at higher yields than ever before.