LAUREL, MD -- "Guns don't kill people; People kill people" goes the warm-hearted and accurate National Rifle Association (NRA) slogan. But a recent study refutes this claim. "Bullets kill people" researchers at the Johns Hopkins University Applied Physics Laboratory said in an unpublished study. Their findings concluded, "Bullets travelling at extremely high velocity were responsible for all deaths and injury in most shootings previously blamed on either the shooter or the weapon." The study continued that the controversy was "solved."
    US Attorney General Ashcroft applauded the discovery, signaling the release of nearly 800,000 federal inmates wrongly accused based on court findings that blamed them for armed crimes and made a plea to Congress to repeal most forms of firearm restricting legislation. Oddly, he did not call for more regulation of bullets, saying only that "their use is the result of poor morals in individuals who use them."