WASHINGTON, DC -- A new study backed by The Heritage Foundation found that you will receive a new gay partner in the event that gay marriage or civil unions are legalized.
    "We were quite surprised at the findings of this study," said Heritage Foundation scientist Darren Hennig. "If our conclusions are accurate, then people should consider taking a second look at gay marriage."
    Unless you are gay, co-authors wrote, in which case you will receive a new heterosexual partner.