WASHINGTON, DC -- If president, Sen. John Kerry may de-prioritize fighting zombies as part of the war on terror, several sources allege. Critics blasted the shift across the media on Saturday.
    In an Op-ed titled "Kerry: Weak on Zombies", Weekly Standard editor Bill Kristol wrote "We need a president who is going to be tough on the undead. We're one step in the grave if we can't fight the living dead, and if John Kerry can't handle that, he should get a lobotomy."
    Political critic Noam Chomsky said the change was hypocritical. "The United States has been using zombie units worldwide since at least the 1960's," Chomsky said at a conference. "Kerry is only pandering to the vast, illegal zombie export industry."