OTTOWA -- Breaking the routine of a constant, dull drone of earnings warnings, Corel CFO John Blaine said today in a press conference that his company's next financial quarter will be "profit-free. Healthy and light enough to stay competitive and can fit in your glove compartment."
    Corel has been plagued by adept competition and weak management, and its stock has taken a major toll. Merrill Lynch analyst Allan Cummings said, "Failing companies have been hit by the negative affect investors have connected to the word 'disprofitable.' Corel is a choking old new economy company trying to break themselves away from the choking new new economy companies."
    Corel CEO Derek Burney denied the announcement was anything out of the ordinary. "Corel has always been free to operate without being bogged down by heavy profits or revenues. We're just trying to emphasize that for next quarter especially."
    Several Industry media outlets speculated the move may have been inspired by Microsoft's touting Office XP's total lack of desirability as a product feature in a new documentation supplement.