WASHINGTON, DC -- Today Fed Chairman Alan Greenspan announced the Federal Reserve would take new initiatives in the fight against inflation. Greenspan said in a 3:00 am televised press conference, "If you buy this washing machine or dryer or dishwasher or oven or automobile today, you'll get this wonderous Pok�mon gift toy at no charge to you."
    Currently all economic indicators seem confused, fluctuating in contradiction to each other. In the see-saw no one is sure whether it will ultimate fall down or spring up. The chairman's smile seemed to have all the answers. "Big-ticket item?" he said. "Pay with a credit card and keep this beautiful terry cloth robe- as our gift to you."
    An upbeat Thrift Advisory Council cheered and waved their hands at the incredible value. Several female members shreiked in joyful disbelief.
    "Remember," Greenspan urged, "act now."