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Tag: Media

Michael Moore Eats Baby from June 29th, 2004
"Get in my belly!" shrieked the 300-pound pundit today in front of horrified observers. Moore's documentary, Fahrenheight 9/11, broke box office records for a documentary. "I want to eat your ...
Charles to Wed Entertainer Joan Rivers from April 13th, 2005
Prince Charles and American entertainer Joan Rivers are to marry, spokesmen for the pair announced today. The marriage would be the first between a British royal and a cheap, vulgar American harpy. "...
News Teams Collide in Grand Central from June 2nd, 2003
News Action Channel 4 kept bumping into Eye on the Scene News 7, Sunday night, as dueling reporters at large repeatedly strolled into each other's camera space while giving separate news reports in Ne...
CNN Asks Court Extend Peterson Trial "Just Another Few Weeks" from December 14th, 2004
The 24 hour cable news network CNN filed an "friend-of-court" amicus brief with the Scott Peterson trial on Monday, asking that the court delay the trial "at least" another six weeks. "We've got some...
News Analysis: Al Qaeda Are Assholes from July 7th, 2005
Astride the news of a horrific terrorist attack in the capitol city of Great Britain today comes a single, clear message: Al Qaeda are soulless bloodthirsty maggots. "The bombings today illustrate th...
GQ Readers Outraged from August 2nd, 2005
Nearly all of the 6 people who read GQ were outraged by a puckish New York Times article publ...
Van Susteren Emerges, Metamorphisizes from February 13th, 2002
CNN defector Greta Van Susteren made her debut on upstart rival Fox News network Monday, making an attempt to appeal to extraterrestrial alien viewers by looking just like them. Trashing her old, ...
Wolf Blitzer Speaks Warmly Of His AOL Time Warner Family from February 28th, 2002
"That's right," said Wolf Blitzer tonight in CNN's War Room. "You can see Monica Lewinsky on live on Larry King Live later this evening." Blitzer was reviewing a look-back on the Monica...
BREAKING: Press Conference Shortage Growing Critical from September 4th, 2005
The refugee crisis in the Gulf Coast region is growing deeper as press conferences ran critically short across the damaged region. The situation grew dire as panicking officials demanded a response ...
Newsweek Retracts Another Sentence from Report from May 18th, 2005
Newsweek announced today that was retracting another sentence from an article from the May 9th edition that sparked deadly riots in Afghanistan and Pakistan, saying that "we can no longer support the ...
President Asks Russert for a Glass of Water from February 9th, 2004
The President, in an interview at the White House with CBS' Tim Russert in a widely anticipated meeting, asked for a glass of water, transcripts show. The talk was a rare event for this administration...
Crack NYT Reporter Finds There Was No Cable in Ancient Greece from April 12th, 2005
Sleuth reporter for the New York Times, John Broder, dropped a bombshell on the country on Sunday when he reported that there was no cable television service available in ancient Athens. Comparing th...
Terri Schaivo's Press Coverage Dies from April 1st, 2005
After a torrent of coverage and an intense political firestorm, news coverage of brain-damaged woman Terri Schaivo died today. Schaivo had spent nearly two weeks without nutrition. "We had prayed in ...
US Forces to Save Saddam for Rupert Murdoch from March 18th, 2003
High-level Pentagon leaks this week revealed a White House plan to capture Saddam Hussein alive and deliver him in person to Rupert Murdoch, America's number one citizen. "I always look out for the b...
Oprah Novel Market Flies Wide Open Again from September 23rd, 2005
With the announcement that her book club would re-open to contemporary authors, the market for novels for Oprah Winfre...
Bush's Ass On The Cover Of Every Major Newspaper from June 29th, 2002
Today, the subject of President Bush's ass was on the front page of every major newspaper. The President was going to ...
Newsweek Ires Of 'Softer' News Reporting from June 21st, 2001
This week Newsweek journalist Ardwin Jones openly pined for stronger media reporting, rather than "fluff" programming that seems so ubiquitous today. But why are The Sopranos so popular?...
Clinton's Book Has Sex with Intern from June 22nd, 2004
Former president Bill Clinton's new book may have had inappropriate sexual contact with an intern, sources said. The 24 year-old worker at Alfred A. Knopf press was unavailable for comment. The alleg...
WSJ Wins Pulitzer for Enron Coverage from April 8th, 2003
This week the Wall Street Journal was awarded ...
HOLY GODDAMN SHIT: Prince Harry Smoked Pot! from January 13th, 2002
According to several British newspapers, Prince Harry, the younger of two sons of the late Princess Diana and the third in line to the British Crown, ...
Foxnews Seen Playing Fetch With Pres. Bush from May 21st, 2002
Today the Fox News Network was seen on the White House lawn on the recieving end of a rousing game of fetch with President George W. Bush. Many reporters are clamoring over their touching relationship...
Robertson Criticized For Bashing Islam from February 25th, 2002
Chrisitan Televangelist Pat Roberston drew fire for calling Islam a violent, evil ...
Dan Brown Says Gold Toilet Seat "Really Is" Worth It from May 26th, 2005
Author Dan Brown emerged from a pile of money today and told reporters that a solid gold toilet seat "really is" worth it. "You wouldn't expect it, but it really is more comfortable," the author of t...
Bush The Leader, Clear Channel Reports from November 27th, 2004
Clear Channel Communications, a San Antonio-based media holdings company, reported this week that George W. Bush was the winner of the 2004 election to drivers in Orange County, Florida ...
Pressure Grows for Bush to Distract Media from September 30th, 2005
As longtime ally Tom DeLay was forced out of his post as House Majority Leader after being indicted on conspiracy charges this week, pressure is growing for the Bush administration to distract the med...

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